As I walked down the lane through the meat market, I saw the butcher running a sharp blade on the neck of a goat. Blood gushed from the severed neck like a fountain and the animal writhed in pain. I did'nt feel guilty that I was also one who had come to buy a part of it......after all we had to eat it.
A thousand rupee note was lying redundant in my wallet, it was torn a little in the middle. During an urgent transaction, someone had cheated on me. I paid it to the old shop-keeper when I cleared my monthly bill. I would have acted as if I was unaware of it, if he discovered. But poor old man with cataractous eyes, he missed it. I did'nt feel guilty......after all, my money had ultimately moved.
The patient was groaning in pain, he could not void urine for the last 24 hours. All he needed was a urinary catheter to be placed, a simple job but the relief was huge, a 24 hour agony over in 2 minutes. I knew I could inflate my bill, knew his satisfaction would make him pay whatever I asked for, finally, charged him three times of what I normally do for such a work. I didn't feel guilty.....after all, it was my profession.
I saw my child beating up another smaller child of the neighbourhood for which I scolded her, she cried and went off to sleep. I looked at her while she was sleeping and she looked so innocent. I felt terribly guilty for having scolded her and apologized to her the next day.....after all, she was also a child, what did she know?
I said something to my wife, which unintentionally though, sounded a little like a sarcasm and she took it that way. I felt extremely guilty and said,' Sorry' on the next day......after all, she was my wife, how could I hurt her?
Its said," There is nothing good or bad, nothing right or wrong; thinking makes it so". We never feel guilty for the grossly wrong things we do to others but can't withstand the guilt that comes on the smallest mistake that we commit to our near and dear ones.
I am a little conflicted as to whether this is true guilt or another manifestation of selfishness and as I feel a little guilty writing this blog, I justify myself saying.....after all, it's a material world.
A thousand rupee note was lying redundant in my wallet, it was torn a little in the middle. During an urgent transaction, someone had cheated on me. I paid it to the old shop-keeper when I cleared my monthly bill. I would have acted as if I was unaware of it, if he discovered. But poor old man with cataractous eyes, he missed it. I did'nt feel guilty......after all, my money had ultimately moved.
The patient was groaning in pain, he could not void urine for the last 24 hours. All he needed was a urinary catheter to be placed, a simple job but the relief was huge, a 24 hour agony over in 2 minutes. I knew I could inflate my bill, knew his satisfaction would make him pay whatever I asked for, finally, charged him three times of what I normally do for such a work. I didn't feel guilty.....after all, it was my profession.
I saw my child beating up another smaller child of the neighbourhood for which I scolded her, she cried and went off to sleep. I looked at her while she was sleeping and she looked so innocent. I felt terribly guilty for having scolded her and apologized to her the next day.....after all, she was also a child, what did she know?
I said something to my wife, which unintentionally though, sounded a little like a sarcasm and she took it that way. I felt extremely guilty and said,' Sorry' on the next day......after all, she was my wife, how could I hurt her?
Its said," There is nothing good or bad, nothing right or wrong; thinking makes it so". We never feel guilty for the grossly wrong things we do to others but can't withstand the guilt that comes on the smallest mistake that we commit to our near and dear ones.
I am a little conflicted as to whether this is true guilt or another manifestation of selfishness and as I feel a little guilty writing this blog, I justify myself saying.....after all, it's a material world.
atleast u r aware and even guilty of doing certain things that v all indulge in at some point or the other thanks to the selfish nature of human beings,.....'i,me and myself'attitude. but majority of the people r completely oblivious of their sins and vices and on top of that they have this notion that they can never b wrong and what ever they do in life is worth setting an example for others...y dont u send this to sum newspaper so that more number of people can enjoy ure reading?
ReplyDelete@ andaaz88 Read many good books;wrote some good lines on my own but was just wondering whether I was actually living them..the 'I,me and myself' attitude is very much there to ruin me over and over again..God willing someday I will prevail over this weakness of mine. Being aware of guilt is not enough..some mistakes that I have committed in life are too big to be healed even by a life-time of penance.
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